Shattered

The perfect life.

On July 7, 2007 I married the woman of my dreams. We decided fairly quickly that we were ready for kids. And on September 6, 2009 I became a father to Jameson. On December 26, 2010 I became a two-time father to Rhys. With my wife, my two incredible sons, and even a dog and a cat, I had the perfect family.

We had always talked of moving from Raleigh to the mountains of North Carolina to be with Erica’s family. When Erica’s mom passed away in 2017 it created a great urgency. Then in 2018 when I learned my job at my current school was being cut, and although I was guaranteed a job within the county it could be anywhere, we decided it was the right time to look for jobs at home but also in the mountains. Within a week I had made the right contact, had an interview, and received the offer. We were moving to the mountains to be close to Erica’s dad and to live our dream life.

The summer of 2018 was packed, literally, as we were boxing everything up in the house, trying to sell the Raleigh house, find a Brevard house, see our friends as much as possible, and give the boys a life that was as normal as possible. This included Jameson’s baseball season with the Town of Fuquay Varina.

Jameson was an average athlete. He could play anything ok, but if I’m being honest, which I am, he wasn’t outstanding at the athletic part of any sport. But he WAS outstanding at his character. He had the best attitude. He was coachable and teachable. He was respectful. And he worked his butt off to improve. I benefitted from this tremendously as I got to play catch, shoot hoops, ride bikes, watch games, and just do everything athletic with him. We had the normal sports bond that so many fathers had with their children, and I ate it up.

Jameson’s baseball season turned out to be incredible. His team was very successful. Jameson improved greatly. And toward the end of the season, he was invited to the all star game tryouts. His regular season coach was going to be the head coach of the all star team. Jameson was able to take advantage of that. He wasn’t chosen for the all star team due to his ability, but he was one of the coach’s picks because his coach knew HIM, and knew his character. Needless to say, Jameson was pumped.

But there was a big issue. The all star tournament was the week we were supposed to move. Erica and I did the adult thing and decided that we really wanted to keep the move date the same. But Jameson, he did the kid thing. He wanted to play. We tried to tell him he couldn’t, but as any kid would, he broke down in tears. He wanted to play. And how could we, as parents who greatly loved their sons and were so proud, deny Jameson of this opportunity he had earned? So, the move was pushed back a week.

Jameson’s season ended with his team winning the league title in an upset, and with him earning the starting 2nd base spot on the all star team. And we moved to the mountains just two days later.

It was the perfect life.

Or so we thought.

Just seven short months later, Hell found us. And it grabbed hold firmly. That’s what this writing will be about. This writing will be the real, raw, and honest thoughts of a father who has lost one of his two sons. This father still struggles, six years later. And he isn’t happy about it.

If you want to read something warm and fuzzy, something that lifts your spirits, then run away from here, and fast. If you want to read the thoughts of a father who sees so many “perfect” families around him, but wonders what is really going on with people, then stick close. Real life has hit this father. He is clawing his way through life each day. And he has things to say.